Hello to all my SHEROs! During my featured ‘I wrote a book’ blog posts, which I will post regularly, I will unveil excerpts from my upcoming book, titled ‘She went, too…Diary of a Female Soldier during Wartime. I will begin with my introduction…Enjoy!

SHE WENT, TOO.

Diary of a Female Soldier during Wartime

By Ti’Phani Nicole

Introduction

            For years I have waited patiently for someone to tell her story; our story. For years I have screened the films, and I have read the books that only revolve around the ‘he’ part of it all. We have all viewed movies such as The Hurt Locker, Black Hawk Down, Green Zone, and American Sniper. I take nothing from these amazing depictions of what life was like over in those foreign countries during those times of war because most of them made you feel like you were there.  At times, I wonder that if beyond one of those walls in the film, if there were the efforts of the female soldier who was using that wall as a shield to protect herself from the enemy’s fire as well. This is a different aspect that no one ever speaks of. This is the female soldier aspect. Men are glorified as kings, standing tall as warriors of war, and adding the bodies of their fallen enemies onto their belt loop one at a time. Many men are, and have often been the ‘poster children’ for the wave of ‘Bring our troops home’ campaigns that come along with the aftermath of a country that supported every minute of the brutal fights from afar. It is as if the entire world views it as just another thing that we as women can do, but the world constantly screams at us, “Oh yeah, the guys? Well, they just do it better!” We can play basketball, but it is just not as interesting to see because we do not go and purchase tickets to create sold-out games. We can wrestle and box, but at no time can we ever be the female version of Muhammad Ali. Did I mention that we can go to war, and get blown up just the same as men, but there is still not a time when our story has been told to share to the world exactly what we endured over there? I am here to let you know that SHE stood tall in the victory, too. Not just as the military wife, or as the praying mother who waited on a call from her child off to war. SHE stood as the nurse saving a leg that was blown off while on a routine patrol. SHE stood as the gunner whose arms developed muscle failure and whose eyes burned from the sweat running into them, while she grew tired from holding and looking through a scope that helped her see the enemy approaching. SHE too was buried in the foxhole, awaiting the arrival of the enemy so that she could blast his brains out. SHE even picked up unnecessary habits such as dipping and smoking products unexpectedly in Iraq to calm her nerves, too, all while wondering when and if the opportunity would be presented to her so she could change her sanitary napkin, take her birth control pill to keep her menstrual cycle regulated, or locate a decent place to squat and release the urine that her kidneys had already painfully held for hours. SHE too, came back home after war, with her life in just as more of disarray than it was before she left. Her children were taller, and her life partner was different, and her friends did not understand the person that she had become either. SHE woke up from the nightmares as a cause of the horrors that she witnessed in Iraq and Afghanistan during those times. She was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and as having manic depression, and prescribed medications that she never took because she was ‘okay’ too.

           The female combat veteran role is one that seems to go unnoticed except around obvious holidays such as Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day. Oftentimes, the harsh reality is that the strength of ladies to come forward and shed light on what we actually went through over there is slim to none. Telling my story, as well as many other women’s story that ran parallel to my own during this critical time of war, helped me to release something that years of therapy never could. It helped me to recognize that I, or we, went to war too, and the sacrifices we made were just as important as the ones the men made. I share thoughts that I felt at one time were never possible to reveal to anyone. Keeping a journal when I could during war, as well as my faith, helped me maintain my peace. I am thankful every time I meet a veteran, not to mention a female combat war veteran. We know that without saying one word to each other that we have so much in common. We have dealt with forfeiting some of the same liberties during the time of war.

            My journey to and during war is not completely adverse; there are times that I share that are comical to me to say the least; heartbreaking to say the most; memorable to say a single word at all. I have forever captured moments inside my soul, which will ring true as some of the most character-shaping moments to ever have developed inside myself. I need to release the stories of the women inside of me so they too can claim their victories. I need to begin to place the cement over the therapy that I have received from writing this, and place it in my own personal time capsule of historic moments of my lifetime. To all you civilians out there, do not fret. The language may look a little foreign because I will dive in and out of military lingo from time to time, but I have placed my best foot forward into breaking this all down so that you can understand and know exactly what TA-50 is (we will get to that later.)

            To each female who has served in country during a time of war, to you I simply say that I get it. I understand that it wasn’t easy leaving your loved ones knowing that you may not return. I understand the pain you felt when you got someone’s voicemail when you finally got a chance to call home after standing in line for an hour. I understand missing your children and wondering if they are calling your mother or your sister ‘Mommy’ in your absence. I also know that as the days go by when you are brave enough to go back to such a dark time in your life that you do, but not without a great glass of wine or maybe a couple shots of tequila after putting the kids to bed. I say again, I get it. But I leave you with this: You are so worth this project because WE MADE IT.